Rekindle
by Kurissss
Summary: Maybe somewhere in Kendall's soul, he knows that love never really lasts. He dreads the day it will, but he dreads the day that his lover would want to go back to him. Set after Big Time Rush.


Another Kames fic I wrote over a year ago. Hey, they were awesome, though I don't ship it as much as Jade does - this is for you. Enjoy.

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Was it over? Did it end? Was it all in vain? Were the kisses, hugs, crying, support, fights all worth it? Were the memories too much to let go? Too much to hold on? Was it all worth it?

Was it?

Kendall tossed and turned for what seemed like the millionth time that night. He looked up at the white ceiling, dimmed by the night and streaks of moonlight slipping in through the crack of his window. He sighed deeply, and brought the covers over his head.

Tonight was another one of his lonely nights without James.

He had hoped that one day, they would live on the same horizon. That they would at least hold each other at night and keep the scary things away. He felt so vulnerable, so exposed, so unloved in the king-sized bed. Oh woe.

Kendall peeked out of the covers and stared at the ceiling once more. Maybe tonight was the night James would come back. Maybe he would leave his work for a little while and pull him into his arms, kiss him all over his face and fill his needs of love and security and attention. But as each night pass, each hour ticks by, his hope for such simple gesture deteriorated. He turned his back facing the door and felt his chin quiver.

No. Kendall Knight did not want to succumb to the heaviness in his heart, his longing for James, the loneliness that eats him from inside. He didn't want to cry, not tonight.

The silent creak was not left unheard by the blond. He froze, eyes widening some before curling up into a fetus position, the covers crumpling under his legs. There was a shift in the atmosphere, a presence in the air, and he could hear the all too familiar steady and almost silent breathing. Kendall squeezed his eyes shut. There was movement in the semi-dark room. The slipping off his shoes, a creak of the closet, blind search of his clothes and washing up, it was obvious that James Diamond had come back for the first time in 2 months.

2 months was a long time. Since that day when James had gotten his first major role in a movie, Kendall was happy for him. They celebrated, made love, celebrated again, and everyone else was happy for him. Thinking back somehow made Kendall sigh in memory but he stopped and stayed still when all movement stopped.

A small sigh, followed by a depress on the bed made Kendall bite his bottom lip hard. He felt himself getting into his embrace from behind, and the tip of his nose buried in his blond locks. Kendall shivered, shivered from the lack of touch, shivered from the lack of closeness, the lack of contact, the lack of love.

"I know you're awake, Kendall."

It was barely above a whisper, it was cracked and hollow, like James had used up all his voice, and the blond did not answer back. He kept his breathing even, but the pretty brunette let out an exasperated sigh that ghosted the back of his neck. Goosebumps formed along his neck and Kendall shiver once more.

"I love you."

Seconds passed.

"No, you don't."

The reply was immediate and firm, like Kendall Knight was. Only now he was breaking inside.

"I don't?"

"You don't," he confirmed. James' arms were rigid, tight, and the embrace he thought that was safe trapped him. He squirmed some and could barely resist the shudder when he felt harsh breath on his ear.

"Why do you think I go home to you every night without fail?"

Kendall bit his lip.

"Answer me."

He shook his head as a few tears slipped out. After what seemed like a long time, James pulled away. Kendall squeezed his eyes shut tighter, beating down the dread, the sadness, the forlorn in his chest.

Just then, he was rolled until his back was lying against the bed, his arms above his head and a weight was on top of him. He saw the silhouette of James Diamond, listened to his breathing and his hands, his hands found their way to Kendall's hips.

"Why do you doubt me?" he asked as his thumbs made little circular motions on the sides of his hips. He rubbed his sides, squeezed them, then went back down to his hips. Kendall couldn't speak. He was enthralled by the genuine, pained and forlorn tone.

Kendall tensed as James' hands held his hips in a tight grip. Warm breath ghosted on the shell of his ear, making his breathing quicken. Lips shaped his ear to the side of his neck. Hands massaged his sides. James held his legs over to wrap around his waist, and Kendall allowed it, allowed every inch of love and gentleness to encase him, to engulf him, to ignite a spark in him that he had not had for a long time. Despite the lovemaking, it broke him inside.

A mix of a moan and a sob escaped his lips. James stopped and looked at him in spite of the darkness in the room. Kendall felt a warm hand cupping his cheek, and then lips pressing softly against his. They moved, sucked, bit and licked along the curve of his lips. He resisted a moan and it took all of his willpower to push him away.

The hurt in his eyes was enough to be felt through the sudden loss of touch when James just stared at him, his fingers lingering on Kendall's hand.

"Love me…," he whispered with such prolong desire and moved in closer to him. "Love me like I've always loved you. Love me and don't hold back," he whispered against his lips. "Please, Kendall…"

He looked at him. The faint smell of 'Cuda lingered between them. Their breaths mingled, mixing into one. The warmth of his lips were so close, so close to his. Kendall's heart screamed out in agony, in longing, in desire, in every single feeling he felt for James in the two months. They bubbled to the surface, out into his fingertips, and the blond lifted his head lips meeting in a spark.

They touched each other in places they have not touched for a long time, unlocked each other's hunger for love, hunger for each other's warmth and security. Sparks flew, moans escalate, and desperation clung onto them like a lingering shadow. And every time the desperation took over, either one would calm the other and savour each other's feel, slowly accumulating their senses, filling each other's needs. Clothes were shed, kisses exchanged, moans echoed, it was enough to drown Kendall in James' love, and James in Kendall's love. It filled him and made him fall in love all over again.

James pulled him close, his scent of masculinity and 'Cuda invading Kendall's senses. He felt a peck of a kiss on the top of his head, and he smiled.

"I love you. Don't forget that."

Kendall doubted that he would.


End file.
